The Audience of Apologies

Today my spirit was heavy upon waking and I figured it would lighten as the day went on as it would normally any other day. But today? Well, it was different. I made it into work, and while walking across the parking lot, I was accosted by a small, faint voice, hidden somewhere to the right of me. It was still dusk so it was hard to see clearly anyway. It was a female voice and said, "Psst! Hey! Come here.Over here!" I looked around then spotted one of the ladies I've been helping every few weeks. She came to me with a box and told me she made something for me for all of the help I'd been giving her, mentioning how nice I was to her. I smiled and told her she didn't have to do that because I enjoy helping her and it's how the Lord made me! She had a tear in her eye though and said she was sorry. I asked her why she would apologize to me and she said she thought she offended me because in her culture, and where she was from, this was a gesture of kindness and gratitude, but if it wasn't received then it was seen as offensive to the person who the gift was intended. I immediately accepted it and told her I thought it was beautiful, thanked her profusely and brought her inside to help her once more.

This wasn't the only apology I would receive today. The sad thing is, not ONE instance where someone apologized, was it necessary! Every time I began to show someone where they made a mistake, or overlooked something, they would immediately apologize. I wasn't quite getting it but as the day wore on, it was becoming very clear! It felt as though every person I helped apologized. One in particular, broke my heart because it was him, at that very moment, that made me suddenly realize the lack of confidence I had in the room all day long! Most of these people apologized because they THOUGHT they did something wrong. I began to consistently commend them on what they did right and make them a little more at ease on the little mistakes they made. What they didn't understand is that nearly all of the people before them, who've done the same process, has made the same mistakes. I reached inside my own spirit to try to lift theirs! That was a task in and of itself, considering my own spirit was heavy laden! I had a brief moment where I was able to speak to the Lord about those that apologized for naught. I sat there, glancing at all of them sitting at the computers, doing their best, and giving it their all. I realized that most of them had hard lives, no real influences on their self-confidence and likely was being told growing up that they couldn't do anything right, they were failures or they were being blamed for things they didn't do....or weren't responsible for! My heart broke! My first thought was to move around the room, helping, but also allowing them to "own" their own accomplishments and what a difference I saw in their attitudes!

Love One Another

The man that broke my heart earlier, apologized for almost every single thing he did OR asked me about! I finally said, "Sir, there is no need to apologize for something you don't know! Several before you has had the same problems and that's why I'm here....I'm here to help, to teach and to guide you! I would never expect ANYONE to know this system unless they've done it more than a few times. No apology is necessary! What IS necessary is feeling good about what you have just accomplished with very little help! You did very well and I'm proud of you!" He looked up at me as I was leaning over his shoulder to show him the last step, and his eyes were smiling with pride....and from what my spirit felt, something he hasn't felt in a long time. I knew this day was filled with hard working, down on their luck people and as Proverbs 22:2 says, "The rich and the poor have this in common, the Lord is the maker of them all." And also in Proverbs 27:19, "As in water face reflects face, So a man's heart reveals the man."  I wanted my heart to reveal the person that I am in Christ! I wanted each of them to know this isn't about making ME happy, nor is it about being "perfect" because nobody is! The Lord God made each of us, and to look upon my fellow mankind with anything less than what they deserved because God made each of them the same, would have been a disappointment to the Lord! He loves us ALL! It's through His love that we are to love one another!

The lady that brought me the homemade present was there at that time because she had to come back to finish up some paperwork. While I was running up and down each aisle assisting those that needed it, as well as building up a little confidence here and there, she pulled me aside to thank me again.....and as she thanked me she said she knows that all of them, pointing to the packed Resource Room, appreciated me too! God placed me perfectly in this job for His purpose and each day I go into work, I see another reason why. There has been a few people that I've had to meet for myself as well! I will be sad when this contract is over, but, then again, the enormous amount of satisfaction I've received in this mission goes beyond any compensation that I could have gotten in another job! I was led here and I accepted.....I obeyed!

In John 15, Jesus is talking about love and joy perfected. Then in John 15:12-15 Jesus says, "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. (13) Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. (14) You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. (15) No longer do i call you servants, for a servant does not know what his maser is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you." 

Today was an Audience of Apologies that I pray walked out of my office feeling like they've had a touch from God's own hand!